Well, the game is almost here that never meant a damn thing until the ol' HBC decided to take over for Thtutering Lou after a brief stint with the Redskins. Of which, everybody bitches about the 'Skins being a racist nickname, which it is, but nobody ever asks about why the hell they're called that in the first place. I mean, do you really want to be represented by a mascot that can be defeated by a simple cholera-laced blanket? Yeah, they had hatchets and all, but if you could cough on them before they hit you with it you'd be good to go. And yeah, that goes for FSU too- unconquered my ass, if that was true then Osceola wouldn't have died in prison. And what did he die of? What's that you say? Malaria? Oh, ok. I wonder if in 150 years we'll have sports teams like the 'Washington People Who Didn't Wear a Condom in the 1980's.' Kind of catchy, no?
Anyhoo, back to the target at hand. Florida takes the trek to Columbia, a godforsaken place if I've ever seen one. Hell, even their stadium looks like a Venus flytrap, a gapping mouth waiting to swallow anyone in its path (kind of like Kim Kardashian in that way I suppose).
I didn't even have to pay for it, some guy just had me close my eyes and suck it out of a tube.
I remember the first time I went to USC for a game, SOS was coaching for the good guys. It was about 35° outside and raining, and towards the end of the first half Spurrier sent all the guys who weren't on the field into the locker room to get warm. I'd wager that there weren't 2,000 people who stuck around for the second half of that game. But this isn't about me and my degenerate gambling. This is about the fact that nowadays, the gameday atmosphere at USC is awesome and fully worth experiencing for anyone. Just stay away from downtown. And midtown. You know, you should probably just go from 5 Points to the stadium and back to 5 Points. Anywhere else and you're risking a nasty bout with hepatitis (which, unlike pussy malaria, is no fun- although malaria of the pussy would be awful too. Just ask Kim Kardashian).
I'm looking forward to this game though. Hopefully Auburn will have beaten Georgia and Arkansas will have beaten Tennessee earlier in the day. That way, when we manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, it'll hurt that much more, just like it should. Because remember, despite the fortunes of the last few years, being a Florida fan is not about glory. It's about pain. Mindnumbing, blindly filled with rage pain. And the ability to drink that pain away.
Note the Black Sheep of Canadian Liqueurs- and she'll always be at home waiting, not running off like that trampy wife of yours.