It all started while I was throwing the keg in the truck... Some dude offered to help me, not in the "We are badass beer drinkin' brothers" mode, but more of a "hey pops, you need help gettin'  to the blue parkin' space" mode.  Now three days into the 5 day college football opening I'm looking around me and the only other sucker standing is that keg of Miller Lite. Of course, we killed the keg of Coors Lite ( my preferred libation), but all things considered, the SafeRoom regulars fell out early.  The old man is still hanging, and Monday Night College Football, could redefine how I arrange my week.

P.S. I hope my liver doesn't expect the same break it get's after bowl season.

I think this news report says it all... After all his platform of Favorite "B"s sold me.

So what do you do in the off-season? Is it Orange and Blue? Mine is! Nauti told me the other day, "Everthing doesn't have to be Orange and Blue." I disagree..  So Nauti, GatorTail, GHF, Surfin', Pimpin, Robbie and I tried out my  latest project today....

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is the meat of my blog...

National Championship Ring, Heisman, Papa Urban keeos his promises.

But a few more words are in order... Let me first poo poo the folks that say Tebow has already done it all.  Nope, there is much more and this kid knows it. Here is what Super Tebow is thinking and the rest of the Gator Nation should be thinking about...

• Three National Championship Rings
• Three Heisman Trophies
• Kicking Auburn's Ass so bad they can't remember they ever won a game.

Here at the Gator Safe Room we are all about giving to the less fortunate, and sometimes that just involves paying for entertainment.  We are not above paying for good entertainment and this month, we salute FSU Alum who have made it big in the entertainment biz.  One thing that continues to puzzle us though; Why is it a Seminole almost always ends up naked for money? Do they have a class at FSU titled: WHR 101 "Taking your clothes of for Money" or is it just something they learn from each other? It's an interesting phenomenon and one I plan continued research into.  So here are the findings of the research so far.

It doesn't matter how successful an FSU alum becomes they will eventually take their clothes off for money. Some will do it to start their career, and others will do it at the end of their carreer, but they almost all, eventually get naked for money.  Thankfully, some never find a commercial outlet for this endeavor, and I will not be searching the web for the likes of Richard Simmons, or Lee Corso in the buff.  However I do have a couple of examples to prove my point.  Burt Reynolds played half-back for the Seminole football team and by most accounts was a fairly good football player. But in the first game of his second season, some torn cartilage in his knee ended his promising football career. He turned to drama instead and went on to become a very successful actor (Hell, that's a natural progression if you ask me, drama is the secret to FSU football). But even after making several major movies, he fell back on the education he had his freshman year in WHR 101, and...

If that's not proof enough, just Google Cosmopolitan + Burt Reynolds.

Another very successful sport star from FSU was Gabby Reece. Gabby arrived at FSU on a volleyball scholarship. She was a volleyball star at FSU and went on to win the first ever Beach Volleyball World Championships in the pros. The Florida State star turned pro, and 1997 was Reece's fifth season as a team captain in the 4-person Women's Beach Volleyball League (WBVL), and her fourth captaining Team Nike, which shared League Co-Championship.  For four consecutive years, Reece was the WBVL kills leader from 1993-1996. She was named the Offensive Player of the Year in 1994-95, and the League blocks leader in 1993. She also competed domestically in the 1999-2000 Olympic Challenge Series, the 1999-2000 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour, and other competitions. Meanwhile she had a modeling career on the side. Reece appeared on the covers of several magazines including Shape, Women's Sports & Fitness, Outside, ELLE, and Life, Travel & Leisure Golf, Women's Sports & Fitness, Vogue, People and many others. But, that damn freshman class reared it's ugly head again and ....

Much easier on the  eyes than Burt, to bad the site is rated PG17, this could have been a great blog.

Now your thinking that's just a coincidence, not the effects of higher learning. Really?, what if not only did they teach this shit, but they also had an Alum Social Network. Yeap, in 2004, Burt and Gabby put their collective talents together and made a movie about their lives. Cloud Nine is a movie about a  washed out former star in need of money that has a get rich plan...start a volleyball team whose players consist of group of beautiful athletic strippers....

Burt might look like shit, but Gabby is still lookin goooood!

And just in case you think getting naked is an old FSU tradition, Jenn Sterger decided to to hell with waiting, she was going to put her education to work while she was still in school.  She' s already taken her clothes off for Hef and all over the internet.  But, she continues to support her Alma Mater, and that's a good use of your education.

Yep, that's Miss Sterger on the right, thanks Mr. 2cents for the pic.

So Gator fans remember, while it's fun to laugh at the Seminoles on the football field, they are still getting into your wallet.  While i hate the football team, I can still enjoy their entertainment value. Hell, I even watch a few minutes of the Bobby Bowden Show on Sunday for few laughs. It' s especially funny when he has ol' Burt as a guest.  Maybe someday he'll have Jenn on.  Go Gators!

Really, he does!  Here's proof...www.youtube.com/watch

Click the link below to vote.  It takes two seconds and the winner receives an actual vote towards the Heisman!  You can vote once a day until the end of the contest.  We're getting dominated by the Missouri fans for Chase Daniel!

Let's go Gators!  Pass this along to your Gator friends...

https://r.espn.go.com/espn/contests/theheismanvote/vote

Here at the Gator Safe Room we have nothing better to do than surf the web for cool and interesting shit.  Well, I found a website describing a device that could be bulilt from parts easily acquired at Radio Shack.  This device is designed to be attached to your cell phone, and will download the deepest, darkest thoughts of anybody you call.  Well, with more than a little skepticism, I sprung for the $13.00 in parts, built it, and hooked it up to my cell and made a few calls. First up was Geno Hayes, wasn't hard to find his cell phone number, just stop at any rest area on I -10.  Here is picture downloaded right after he answered....

Should've got prone Geno, that's looks like it's gonna hurt!

Next on the hit list, Chief Osceola. This guy has been the center of unspeackable controversy, but he aparently has his own agenda...

Yeah, and Now with Texas Hold 'Um!

Finally, we tried our final number on the list. It took several hundred attempts to get an answer and when he finally answered, he shouted, "Where the Hell is my Ice Cream?". I don't know what the fuck all that was about, but after about 10 minutes of discussing the virtues of homemade ice cream vs. delivery we finally got a picture and hung up (slow server I guess)....

"I like that Hotdog Place in Micanopy too, their waitresses are real nice."

Pretty cool technology if you ask me.  Somebody should send this one to Popular Science.  Go Gators!

Well, first let me say it has been a hell of a weekend. And during this season, I define weekend as Thursday after work until Monday morning.  I wonder how much productivity ESPN has cost American Business by broadcasting good (not great) college football on Thursday Nights. Well anyway, let me me recap the fun. Thursday Night I had some former friends over for Oregon / Arizona game and while I was in the bathroom they conspired to have some fun!  Well, I left myself logged into the GSR and one of them used my login to denounce my loyalty to the Gators in the ShoutBox.  Of course GHF picked this up first thing Friday and ran with it in his Blog.  So let's have some fun going back the other way.  The co-conspritors in "ShoutBox Gate" are Pac10fan, BarryUGator, and WestVirgizzo.  Let me tell you a little about these clowns: Pac10fan is really an Oregon State Beaver fan, however he has been an avid athletic supporter of the Ducks this year. Any team close to home, I guess?  And BarryUGator, his Alma Mater is Barry University. Get a football team, and then talk smack.  And last, but not least, there is WestVirgizzo, who I am 99% sure is the head of this little band. He never attended the University of West Virginia, but he did graduate from FAU with both an undergrad and a graduate degree.  And now, I think we know the true motive behind this warrantless attack. GHF, you get a pass this time ( i could have rung your ass up too). Friday Afternoon, Nauti, Gatortail, GHF, SurfinGator, gatorboy, pimpingator, MilfGator, the rest of the gang and I made the trip to the holy land for the game.  Stuck in traffic, we saw this:

So that's what they do with a FAU Masters in Engineering, huh?

 At the game I was further exposed to more FAU prowness.  Because I had only managed to score tics in the visitor section, I was surrounded by the FAU's brightest and most dedicated fans. And of course I was seated next to the family of a 2nd string lineman.  I listened to the whole friggin' family story about how great he was, and even commented after FAU stop how thier defense looked better than South Carolina's. Well, after the end the second quarter, the civilty stopped.  The high-school aged brother of the second string lineman started trying to stoke Ol' Salty up, "Tebow ain't shit, look we can take him out anytime we want." And of course, the referee's were cheating on every call against FAU, and the Gators were cheating everytime we got flagged.  But my favorite was in the the third qurater, the patriarch of this little clan said, "Look at this, we have our second and third string in and Tebow is still in the game.  Those croocked bastards are just trying to cover the spread for somebody."  Hum, I just wanted to turn to him and say, "That's probably because Tebow's not too tired to play, round here they like to play four quarters of football."  But I didn't, some may call me chicken, others may realize I just didn't want to have explain football to an upset asshole with no clear understanding of reality.  I did see one, apparently very Wise looking FAU fan:

Everytime I looked over there, he seemed to be watching me. 

Well, we all know how the weekend turned out.  Thanks Tebow for stumbling through all 59 points and saving me from having to kill somebody in the Swamp. Sorry I didn't get the kids email address for you, but he did seem to have a lot of ideas on how you could improve your game. As for Virgizzo, his Owls may have sucked, but his Volunteers managed to hang-on even if Pat White had the dropsies.

One more thing before I officially declare GSR Hates FSU Week, I did run into the Caiman at the game, and I did give him my cups.

It's OK dude, you can have the cups, even the ones with the holigram.

Florida'sSuckiestUniversity, let the hate begin.

3:30 PM - GHF - Thank God we can stop watching an inept Arkansas passing offense.  Without McFadden, Arkansas would be looking up at Ole Miss in the league standings.  Bring on AU/UGA!

3:33 PM - GHF - Shit, when its a 21 point game with 2 minutes left, turn the game over to the featured CBS game already.  I can only take so much of Lincoln Financial before I feel like I need to make a doctor's appt. to have my damn eyes checked.

3:45 PM - GHF - 3-0 already, thanks dipshits at CBS.  Blackout?  Oooooh, Mark Richt is so Eeeeevil.  I didn't see it, but I heard he had the band perform at mid-field after Georgia scored first.  Gotta pump that team up! (Can't tell I'm still bitter, can you?)

3:48 PM - GHF - "First time at the opera boys?" - yeah, we get it Budweiser, take cans.  Or, just don't go to the opera when she asks.  That would be my approach.

3:50 PM - GHF - Congrats to Sly Croom on becoming Bowl eligible.  That's the second best thing you've ever done. ::cough::got zook fired::cough::

3:57 PM - GHF - Gator fans everywhere rooting for Cox now, rooting against Cocks later.  

3:59 PM - GHF - 3-3, it's a Couto vs. Byrum game folks! Woooo! Kickers!

4:06 PM - GHF - 10-3, Kyle Jackson sneaks into Auburn lineup, gives up long bomb to some native indian tribe called Massaquoi.

4:08 PM - SurfinGator - Everytime they show UGA on tv, it looks like the most docile animal.  I don't know which sleepy, lazy dog is worse Smokey or UGA. Don't Georgia fans feel inept when they see live Tigers, Buffalo, or Bulls on the field?

4:15 PM - GHF - MAJOR PROPS to Georgia's Brandon Southaland for even trying to get up after that monster hit.  Surprised that was a catch though.  But Verne gave his signature chuckle and says its so.  All hail VERNE.

4:25 PM - GHF - Knowshon Moreno will fill the SEC runningback void left at the end of the year when McFadden leaves.  This terrifies me as someone who bleeds orange and blue.  Stafford however, is still a Talladega keg lifting ass-clown.

4:28 PM - Salty Gator - How do you suppose they named the young Mr. Moreno? Did Mom demand that they name him anything but Sean?  Yeah, phonetics!

4:34 PM - GHF - Oh how I wish THIS Auburn defense showed up to the Swamp on 9/29.  17-3 Georgia.  S...E...C...East...championship....slowly...slipping...awaaaaaaay. 

4:40 PM - Satly Gator - Hey Gary Danielson, your modern day commentary on this modern day telecast is modern day awesome. MODERN DAY MODERN DAY MODERN DAY!

4:46 PM - Hurricane1 - Hey I'm rooting for the Cocks tonight.  I root for Cocks everyday AND night! I'll be thinking about Cocks even as my beloved Canes play their last game in the Orange Bowl. Me and Cocks...BFF!

4:49 PM - GHF - Thank you Ben Tate! You just "EQUIPPED YOURSELF WITH FOUR WHEELS OF FURY" and ran over that cornerback like he was some gay pussy elf in WoW. We're back to having a game. 17-10. 

5:09 PM - GHF - Hey, that's like 20 Sambos in the stands at Sanford stadium.  Yessiree Mister, we sure did paint ahselves uh fo the Dawg game.  I get that it's a blackout, but shit, those college students look like the Athens Actor's Troupe version of Uncle Tom's Cabin with G-E-O-R-G-I-A-D-A-W-G-S painted on their chest.

5:11 PM - GHF - Halftime, 17-10 Georgia.  Richt doesn't like trouble on National TV, so THAT's why he keeps from smackin those bitchy cheerleaders on the sideline. 

5:17 PM - GHF - Tim Brando. Ugh. That is all.

5:31 PM - GHF - BREAKING NEWS...Meyer wins bet with Spurrier...Pizza WAS NOT delivered...Cocks to play in dresses tonight.  Won't be the first, nor last time a cock gets into a dress. Snicker, snicker.

5:37 PM - GHF - HELL YEAH, Stafford throws pick to Powers.  Good start to half for AU Defense.  Already in field goal position.

5:40 PM - GHF - Roughing the passer on UGA.  Georgia's defense plays rough with Cocks Cox. 

5:41 PM - GHF - AUBURN TD! 17-17. Tuberville's ears perk up out of excitement.

5:57 PM - GHF - Wes Byrum puts the War Eagle up for the first time, 20-17.  Tracy Wolfson wants your junk now kicker boy. 

5:59 PM - GHF - Everytime Budweiser encourages me to be responsible, I'm inspired to live better and make sure to never drive drunk.  Generally, this entails getting so drunk I can't find my keys.  No keys, no drivey! Safety first Gator Fans!

6:05 PM - GHF - Moreno tells Auburn that Alabama is a shitty state and Bo Jackson sucks.  24-20 UGA.  The Gator Safe Room MILFGator remarks baby's momma says "I don't know who the father is, but I Know Shaun"

6:12 PM - GHF - Cox goes limp under pressure, throws untimely pick. Fuck.  Let's hope the Auburn D plays more suffocating than the Black Hole of Calcutta.

6:15 PM - GHF - That's a no on the suffocating defense.

6:20 PM - GHF - Moreno. Again. TD. 31-20. These Red and Black sonuvabitches think they've got the second coming of Herschel.  I'm not convinced they're wrong.  Auburn needs a big drive here or this game is fin.

6:26 PM - GHF - Gary and Verne do Soulja Boy...Rap immediately ceases to exist.

6:30 PM - Salty Gator - RON ZOOK'S DEBT IS FINALLY PAID. Illinois 28 - the Ohio State University Posers 21.  At least 1 Juice is having a good week this week.

6:31 PM - GHF - Notre Dame loses to Air Force...won't win the Commander in Chief's trophy for ump-teenth consecutive year.

6:36 PM - GHF - Southaland plows in for the 2 yard score. 38-20.  Getting ugly.  Don't expect to hear from me much more, time to get geared up booze wise for playing at Bryce Williams.  Thank God that guy Lattimer isn't playing there anymore.  OIL CHANGE!

6:39 PM - GHF - Thomas Brown and Knowshon Moreno play "hands tied behind the back necksies" on the sideline.  America = Creeped out.

6:41 PM - GHF - Cox has multipule interceptasms.  Ladies everywhere unimpressed.  They can throw multiple interceptasms any damn time they please with their close friend Rabbit vibrato 2000.  Or Tebow. If they're that lucky.  But then again, I guess that would be a rushing touchdasm.

6:50 PM - GHF - What's the FSU-VaTech score, this shit is terrible.  Oh, 28-21 VaTech scores and converts 2 pointer.  Haha, always take pleasure in watching SOW be suxorz.  

6:53 PM - Hurricane1 - Kyle Wright throws interception prior to kickoff.  First time in NCAA history.

6:54 PM - GHF - KILL YOURSELF Hurricane1!

6:58 PM - GHF - That convenient little ESPN ticker on ABC has told me Georgia scored again. 45-20. Pains me to say it, but UGA is playing the best football in the east right now.  Too bad a healthy Tebow didn't show up to the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.  RANDOM FACT - Outdoor Cocktails taste best.

7:00 PM - GHF - My contract's up for tonight, thanks for tuning in Mouseketeers! Obviously Georgia is going to win this one.  C U 2 Morrow for a review of the day.  GO GATORS!!!!!!!!! 

Hey, I talk to strangers, run with scissors (sometimes just for the thrill), and sometimes I take candy from strangers (on Halloween).  I have no problem with swimming right after I eat (I'll even swim while consuming alcohol), and I don't always wear clean underwear, I hate underwear.  So, it should come as no surprise to anybody that I can commit a little hatred to print for the Ol' Ball Coach.  Well now, some of you still have a crush on Steve Spurrier.  I just don't get it.  Yeah, I know he took us to our first National Championship, so what.  If you married your prom date and she left you for somebody else, for more money, would you still have a special place in your haeart for her?  HELL, NO!  That's right, Stevie left us for more money, but that didn't work out for him, either. Now look where he's at.  He's the leader of the Cocks, the guy the whole state of South Carolina hopes will "Whip the Cocks" into shape, the Head Cock Coach(a.k.a. Cockhead).  Last year we gave him quite the ovation when he entered the Swamp, and the bastard still tried to throw us a whipping.  In the end, it all turned out O.K. If you don't remember, check this out. Gators Win!  This year we're going there. If you've never been to South Carolina, there are a couple of things you should be aware of.  Be careful with the Beer Goggles, the girls at their tailgates have a way of distracting you from all the facts.

Don't focus too hard on one body part, or you'll wake up Sunday engaged and sorry!

And her daddy will help you get to the church!

Also be careful playing tailgating games.  They are a little different in South Caroilina.

Bobbing for Pigs Feet anybody?

Or how 'bout whoreshoes?

As for the game, we have have a better quarterback, we have more yards rushing per game, more yards passing per game, and almost twice as many points scored per game.  So make some noise and support the defense, they deserve it after last week. Let's Go Gators, Beat the Cocks.

We are going to try a little live blogging here.  It won't be a blow by blow because we like watching the game to much. Salty, and Nauti are at HQ, GHF is at the game, and ItalianGator and NHGator are at an undisclosed sports bar in the northeast. As the comments come in to HQ we will post them.

Salty: I'm going to start with the collective thoughts of the Gator Nation.

Salty: 12:51 Defense held and the Gators mounted a nice drive capped with a little stroll to endzone for Tebow after the Stripped Thieves called the first one back.

GHF: 12:55 Brandom James is Pocket Dynamite! Check out my seats.

Nauti: 1:23 Kill these FUCKERS!

Salty: 1:29  I guess we know which side the zebras bet on.  Late hit, defensive offsides, blah, blah, blah. Gators 14 - Vandy 7.  Go Gators!

Salty: 1:42 21-7 , Let's go Gators!  Funny, at the beginning of that last drive, the announcer, don't know who he is, and really don't care, said the momentum has shifted to Vandy. Guess what Jackass, the refs don't have that much power. 

Salty: 1:50 28-7  Vandy can have mo on there side. Let's Go Gator D!

Salty: 2:00  Nice job D!

Salty: 2:10 Just checked in with GHF, he says the Swamp is kinda loud, but adds "The O is kicking ass."  I agree.  358 yards of offense in the first half, Urban has open the Swiss Army Knife of offense we all knew he had.  Looks to me like Harvin is the knife blade today, and Bubba is the corkscrew. Yeah, I know it's a shitty analogy, but I can't be clever, and watch the games at the same time.  Halftime...

Salty  2:50  NO,NO, NO, NO..... Damn, Int .....Let's Go Defense... Justin Doe needs some air time...

Salty  3:00 Damn Skippy, 42-10 Tebow runs another one in and now leads the Gator QBs in rushing TDs @ 14. Everybody stand up, face G-ville, and drink one to Tebow!  By the way Tim, free beer for life at the GSR HQ.

Nauti 3:15 FUCK the referees

Salty 3:25 Bullshit, that ball was out before it crossed the plane.  Thieving Zebras spot Vandy 14 on that one, scumbags.  On a positive note, D is looking alot better, and the O is clicking. Go Gators!

Salty 3:32 That drive took less time than the discussion over Vandy's fake touchdown.

GHF 3:35  Cam Newton time?

Salty 3:36 One more drive.... Holy shit, int, Pieere Loise, go O!

Salty 3:47 Cam is in, 6'5" 245, watch out!

Well folks that the ball game, Percy Harvin player of the game w/ 223 yards, Tebow had 281 yards, the defense showed up and dare I say it, broke out and played the ball.

GO Gators!

I read a couple of articles today describing how much the fans make a difference in the games at the Swamp, and how we might not get up for Vandy after three losses.  If you are having trouble filling your lungs and letting it out  for this game, or, you just need a little injection of Gatoroids, have a look at this video. It's Great to Be A Florida Gator!  Free beer for life at the Gator Safe Room  for chrisleakfan4ife for creating this video for Gator Growl tonight. Go Gators!

There is a word everybody seems to be throwing around in college football these days, but everybody seems to have a different idea of what it means. Parity, yep, if you have read any blogs, or any articles written about College Football in the last month, you have heard this one. What is it, well, I went to Wikipedia, and here is the edited version: not the Constantine leaving the Gospel of Judas out the bible kind of editing, but the edited for T.V. kind editing. Anyway if you think I changed the meaning, just look it up yourself.

 Parity in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.

Parity is a concept of equality of status or functional equivalence. It has several different specific definitions.

• parity (physics): In physics parity is the name of the symmetry of interactions under spatial inversion.
• parity (mathematics): In mathematics, parity indicates whether a number is even or odd.
• parity (medicine) refers to the number of times a woman or female animal has given birth.
• In computing, a parity bit is a very simple example of an error detecting code. See also RAM parity.
• In sports, parity refers to engineering an equal playing field in which all teams can compete, regardless of their economic circumstances.
• Potty parity attempts to equalize the waiting times of males and females in restroom queues by designating or building more women's restrooms, giving them more facilities to use.
• Militarily, it refers to having a comparable force as one's enemy, such as geopolitically as in mutual assured destruction.

I think the only two definitions relative here are the sports and militarily. As far as the Sport definition goes, I think this means you get ranked due to your accomplishments on the field during the current season. As for the Military definition, I think this concept describes what is happening in a couple of conferences around the country. So we see the word Parity can be used to both describe the concept of ranking USF ahead of Ohio State last week and what is currently going on in the SEC, the Big East, and other conferences around the country.

So what the hell does all this have to do with football you ask, well the polls are coming out in a couple of hours and they are going to be wrong. Yep, I'm still on my soapbox from last week. Everybody I talked to agrees with my logic, but they don't like my results. Well, here is week two of the Salty Logic Rankings:

 1.) LSU - USF's loss combined with LSU's victory over Auburn gives them the bump. Hey, I don't like it, but it is what it is. Personally, I think there are supernatural forces at work here. I mean going for and completing 5 fourth down conversions against Florida, and then that touchdown pass for the win yesterday leaving 1 second on the clock. What kind of deal did Les Miles make with the devil?

"I can only do so much, make crazy decisions and I'll help, but I have no control over Tebow!"

2.) Oklahoma - Well I had them at six last week, and everybody above fell this week. Crazy Ass Season.

3.) Oregon - The Ducks are playing strong, big test next weekend though, USC is coming by the pond for a visit.

4.) Florida - Yep, we beat Kentucky, Kentucky beat LSU, that erases our LSU loss. The SEC championship could really fix it for good if we can keep winning.

5.) Missouri - handled another ranked team (Texas Tech) this week.

6.) USF - Wow, a loss to Rutgers really hurts. I think the Big East Conference is a lot stronger that they get credit for.

7.) West Virginia - Spanking Miss State is not a significant accomplishment, however it is a win and a lot of others didn't win.

8.) Kentucky - Beating LSU last week, and then losing to the Gators. Was it luck last week or are the Gators better than they have played so far this season?

9.) South Carolina - Vandy, ouch.

10.) Cal - Two loses in a row, and Arizona State next weekend. Careful Cal, looks like the ice is slippery.

11.) Ohio State - Still haven't played anybody ranked, but at least Michigan is ranked now. The big 10 championship should mean very little on the National picture this year.

12.) Boston College - I won't move you on a bye week, but you better get your shit together for Virginia Tech Thursday Night. I 'll be watching.

13.) USC - Spanked Notre Dame, wow, I'm impressed.

14.) Arizona State - Here comes the meat of your schedule..Cal, Oregon, UCLA, and USC. You will move next week, up or down, it's up to you.

15.) Georgia - Georgia had a bye, but their neighbors lost, so up they go for now.

16.) Virginia Tech - Spanking Duke is not very impressive, but the offer for Boston College is still on the table. Kick their ass Thursday Night.

17.) Auburn - Losing to the Tigers (with the help of the devil) isn't real bad, but you got to win the rest or you gonna make us look bad.

18.) Kansas - Another win against Colorado, but there isn't anything in you schedule to help you move up.

19.) Hawaii - Yep, you beat San Jose State, but see above. Going undefeated doesn't mean shit if you don't play ranked teams.

20.) Michigan - Hey, welcome to the Top 25. Exposing Zook gets you on the list, but you have to keep winning to stay. I would like to see you beat OSU and expose them for what they are.

21.) Texas - Nice job with Baylor, but your schedule has nothing left in it.

22.) Wisconsin - N. Illinois, yeah whatever. With Michigan and Ohio State still on your schedule, you could be my Big Ten hero. If there is such a thing, I'm sure it wears tights.

23.) Tennessee - Holy shit, how embarrassing is it to lose to Osaban been Lyin'? Hey Phil, don't forget to pack the donuts!

24.) Rutgers - Another powerhouse in the Big East. Yep, they knocked off USF and they still have a decent schedule in front of them.

25.) Illinois - Zook starts his second half slide. Ball State next week could really be embarrassing. And you still have the Buckeyes, remember you owe me.

That's my 25 and I'm sticking to it. Whichever definition of parity you decide to use, just remember SaltyGator rule #1: Play a ranked team or get the fuck out of My Top 10.

Hi gator fans, Salty here. Yeah, I know I'm kinda like the Lou Holtz of the Safe Room. A little past my prime, relegated to giving pep talks and providing color for the real bloggers. But, this week I'm posting my Top 25 in a blog because I want to explain where I'm coming from. My picks are gonna be different, because I think the polls suck. Nothing more than a popularity contest to sell tickets. I haven't looked at any of the other polls and I didn't use that silly ass computer program I tried the first couple of weeks. Nope. I ranked the teams based on who they have played and how they have played them, THIS YEAR! That's right, this friggin' year, that means popularity doesn't count. This isn't some after school drama show on Nickelodean, it's College Football. What does that mean, well for one, if you haven't played a ranked team all year, get the fuck out of MY Top 10! Without further ado, here are my rankings and why.

1.) South Florida has played ranked teams and is still undefeated. Nobody else in the country can say that.

 2.) LSU has beaten VT, South Carolina, and Florida and they just barely lost to Kentucky in triple overtime. They still have Auburn next week as well as some tough SEC games to go. I hate LSU, but I'm not selling them.

3.) South Carolina only has one loss (LSU) and they have beaten Georgia and Kentucky (and Kentucky beat LSU). The Old Ball Coach still has a tough schedule ahead, but their destiny is in his hands.

Hold it in Steve, pukin' on TV is bad.

4.) Kentucky lost to South Cariolina but beat LSU in a close one and they have a tough schedule ahead with Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee (all ranked teams) to go. And Kentucky gets the big jump for takin' the spark plugs out of the chainsaws.

5.) Cal has beaten Oregon and Tennessee, both ranked teams and now they have been beaten by who? Unranked Oregon State (4-3). Was it a fluke, who knows, but with USC, Arizona State, and west coast powerhouse Stanford (hehe) still to go, we'll soon find out.

6.)Oklahoma has beaten only one ranked team so far, Texas, and they lost to Colorado (crazy ass season). I'm gonna leave them here for now, but their pussass schedule for the rest of the season is gonna hurt them in coming weeks.

7.) Oregon has also played only one ranked team (Cal) so far, but they only lost by one possession and they beat Stanford and Stanford beat USC. Still to come are USC and Arizona State. The Ducks really need a couple more quality teams on their schedule for me to take them seriously.

8.) Missouri has played a couple of ranked teams, they beat Illinois early and lost to Oklahoma this week. With Kansas being the closest thing to a ranked team they play for the rest of the season, they better hope more top ranked teams fall.

9.) Florida, with two losses (Auburn and LSU) and win a against Tennessee, has played as many ranked teams as anybody. Both of their losses were very close and they have a chance to redeem their season by taking out Kentucky, Georgia, and South Carolina. It' all up to them.

10.) West Virginia suffers from lack of strength in schedule (No WestVirgizzo, the little blue pill will not fix it.) with the only ranked team they have played so far being a lost to #1 USF. However, they have played well against their unranked conference foes, but they only have one ranked team left on their schedule, Cincinnati.

11.) Ohio State (7-0). That right 11th. Remember SaltyGator rule numero uno (too much time around the Caiman I guess), "Play a ranked team or get the fuck out of My Top 10." Let's have a look at those seven victories, Youngstown, Akron, Washington, North Western, Minnesota, Purdue, and Kent State. Nope, none of them are ranked. And guess what, the only ranked teams they will see for the rest of the season are Illinois and Wisconsin (which I have 17th and 23rd), if they can hang on. Being undefeated does not mean shit unless you play somebody. You offense is ranked 41st. "Oh yeah, but our defense is ranked 1st." you say. Yeah, but you haven't played anyone with an offense dumbass. Take your friggin' sweater vest and go find a schedule, you bunch of overhyped cupcakes.

12.) Boston College is the same friggin' deal. Not a ranked team yet, and Virginia Tech is the only half-assed opponent they have all year.

13.) Southern Cal (5-1), Whoopy Shit! Let's have a look at those five; Idaho, Nebraska, Washington State, and Arizona. That's Arizona (2-5), not Arizona State folks. Does anybody see any ranked teams there, NO! Oh yeah, don't forget the "1" in (5-1), Stanford (2-4) owwww. You gotta be kidding me, Go to the end of the line jackass. There's nothing more disgusting than a spent Trojan.

14.) Arizona State (7-0), same lame ass story. San Jose State, Colorado, San Diego State, Oregon State, Stanford, Washington State and Washington. Any ranked? Nope! Left on the schedule, Cal, Oregon, UCLA, USC, and Arizona. Beat all those and I'll be impressed.

15.) Auburn lost to USF and Miss State. USF wasn't so bad, but Miss State, yikes! LSU next week is a chance for redemption. Hang on for that one and then on to Georgia next month.

16.) Tennessee lost to Cal and Florida. Most SEC teams expect to get their losses in the SEC. Opening against Cal is tough. But with South Carolina and Kentucky still over the horizon, Fatty Phil might just get to keep his job.

17.) Illinois has a couple of ranked teams under their belt. A loss to Missouri and a win over Wisconsin. Ohio State is still out there though. Hey, Zook, do me a favor and kick the livin' shit out of the Buckeyes for me. After all, you know you owe me.

18.) Virginia Tech (6-1) has only played one ranked team all year, and LSU spanked them 48-7. I guess I should give them some style points for running the score up 44-3 on William and Mary, NOT! If VT will kick Boston College around for me, I promise to find a seat closer to the stage for them. Plus, you get bonus points for  cheerleader creativity.

Thanks to www.accpoon.com for this wonderful shot.

19.) Georgia like any other SEC team has a tough schedule with several ranked teams (currently 5) on it. They have already lost to Tennessee and South Carolina. With Florida, Auburn and Kentucky waiting, Georgia could really improve their stock if the won the rest of their games. I wouldn't bet real money on it.

20.) Hawaii (7-0) and not a ranked team on their schedule, now or later. At least they know they are going to a bowl game.

21.) Kansas (6-0). Lou Holtz thinks they should be 2nd in the nation, for what? Central Michigan, Southeastern Louisiana, Toledo, Florida International, Kansas State, and Baylor? Don't make me say it again. With Missouri still to go, they could actually play a ranked team though.

22.) Texas (5-2) but there's not much here. The closest thing they have to credibility is losing a close one to Oklahoma.

23.) Wisconsin (5-2) closest thing here is the one possession loss to Illinois. Ohio State is still on their schedule. I should have dropped them for the loss to Joe Pa this weekend, but I'm keeping them around because I want to make them the same offer I made BC. Wisconsin, beat Ohio State and I'll give you a big bump up.

24.) Arkansas (3-3) that's right they are here. Why, you ask, because they lost to Alabama, Kentucky, and Auburn. They still have to play South Carolina, Tennessee, and Miss State. I'd like to see Ohio State play that schedule (buckeye douchebags).

25.) Wake Forrest (4-2) Yep, Wake Forrest because they knocked FSU off the list with style. Your welcome Lisa and Karen.

Well, that's how I see it. Like the old guy in the commercial says, "There are no shorcuts in football, buttercup." And Salty says "put up or shut up."

I just finished watching the post game press conference and the Urban Meyer Show. He is stunned, Tebow is stunned, Joiner is stunned and from what I have seen on the net and in my my fellow fans eyes, the Gator Nation is stunned.  Urban said, "You find out about the soul of a man, and the soul of a team, when they get hit in the face. We just got hit in the face." 

 Well, are we gonna fight , or take flight?  Stupid question, I know.

We are disappointed to say the least, but I think it all needs to be put into perspective. It's one loss, just one loss.

Let's mourn untill midnight tonight, and then get on with the season.  There are only two teams without a loss in the SEC, LSU and Kentucky.  The boys can fix that, and if all goes well, we can get our revenge at the SEC Championship. It can be done.

Just look at what has happened. Colorado beat Oklahoma, USF beat West Virginia (sorry West Virgizzo), but wait USF also beat Auburn, Tennessee looked pretty good against Cal, we clobbered Tennessee, and Tulane scared the hell out LSU.  What does all this mean? It means if Team A beats Team B, and Team B beats Team C, Team C can still kick the shit out of Team A.

Let's Go Gators, kick the shit out of LSU!

Welcome to the Swamp, Auburn...

Albert likes a late night snack...

and your little birdie too.

Next.....

Damn, I hate knocking the pink power bootee off the front door, but sooner or later it had to happen. Let's go Gators, we are looking real good!

Our boys have won two.  Both victories were very convincing, stats wise.  We are looking good, but next Saturday we play in the Big Time, the SEC.  I'm really happy with the preseason play and I think we are in good shape. Tebow and the offense are proven, these guys can put up points.  The defense has stepped up nicely and I have all the confidence in the coaches to help them improve more this week. Folks, forget the 3rd quarter against Troy.  I think the lesson is learned and it was just one quarter of football. 

However, if we want to worry about something: 1.) Bubba Caldwell has a sprained the medial collateral ligament in his right knee. We are waiting on the prognosis. 2.) James also sprained an ankle. Prognosis is the same. 3.) Percy Harvin now has tendinitis in his knee in addition to the tendinitis in his Achilles' tendon that has bothered him the last few weeks. Percy was supposed to play very little, but got the call because of the 3rd Quarter.

However we have a lot of depth and a lot of weapons on offense.  Tennessee's defense is struggling, in my humble opinion, more than ours.  Saturday will be a shout-out.  Don't  bet the over/under too big, both teams are going to put up some points.

And if you need something to get you fired up, remember this!     Erik Ainge is the Premature Echopulator.